I decided to start a blog and really push the usage of my website. Other than for book orders, the site gets lonely. It, understandably, craves attention. And I realised that if I’m going to release these entries into the online wild, they need to provoke something in people and not be as boring as a week-old loaf of bread. They need to make people think for a moment, be angry or sad, or maybe make them just want to tell me I have no idea what I’m talking about. Any response is worthwhile.
So with all that in mind I have no choice but to rant about something that niggles the hell out of me.
THE WAY PEOPLE REACT TO DEATH
If, via Facebook, a news/media outlet reports the death of someone in, for example, a car accident, we all think it’s a terrible thing. Death sucks and it’s dreadful, no matter how or when it happens.
But then what happens?
All these online followers of this page who don’t know these people or their families, or in many cases, don’t even live within 100kms of the deceased, start leaving the stock-standard messages that serve no purpose, other than to increase the Facebook stats of the particular media page you follow.
“R.I.P” or “My thoughts are with the family” or “What a terrible waste of life.” And my personal favourite … “Such an attractive girl didn’t deserve to die so young.” (Why does how good-looking you are make your death more important, for fuck sake!!)
Now … right at this very moment you are thinking that I’m a heartless beast of a man who, obviously, doesn’t care for other people. Guess what? You’re wrong. I’m an incredibly sensitive guy. I even watched The Notebook … liked it quite a lot … and cried at the end.
That makes me compassionate, doesn’t it?
So where am I going with all this? It’s simple. These messages are a complete waste of time and for some bizarre reason, you are only writing them there because you feel like you should. You feel like it’s the ‘right thing to do’ … or you want to be seen as ‘human’ in the eyes of others.
Well, here’s the truth of it all. It means JACK SHIT if you didn’t know the person involved or the family. It’s a waste of time. And if you do it just because it makes ‘you’ feel better about the bad things in the world around you … then stop that too, because it won’t change anything. Nothing!
Now while we’re on the topic of how we react to death, here’s an interesting point to leave it on.
There is a great movie called St. Vincent starring the amazing acting talent that is Bill Murray.
(SPOILER ALERT) His wife has recently died in the movie and the young boy from next door just finds out and has a short conversation with him out the front of his house. It’s a great moment and it makes you realise that we say things because we think we should, instead of saying the things that mean something.
Young Boy : “I’m sorry, Vin, for your loss.”
Vincent : “Never understood why people say that.
Young Boy : “They don’t know what else to say.”
Vincent : “How about … What was she like? Do you miss her? … What are you gonna do now?”
As always, if you don’t like what I’ve said, let me know … but in the end remember that the only thing you can really do is … Blame Stephen!
You are so right, I sit and think about all the times I’ve done the same thing, knowing that the only people reading it are those on my friends list. Social media has cause a society of followers, if one person starts the RIP, statuses, everyone follows. Those that don’t have a computer or couldn’t give a crap about Facebook, read it in the paper and go how sad and continue on with their day. Thank you for opening my eyes to this phenomenon and making me realise I don’t want to be a sheep
On a side note, not a fan of romance movies so will take you word that The Notebook is a good movie.
Thanks, Charlene.
I was expecting the first response to be one telling me I’m an insensitive idiot. It wasn’t to be the case/ I’m glad you liked it
i agree. I feel that guilt pushing me to write something stupid but I never do and then I feel more guilty for not caring, or more precisely, thinking society thinks I’m a bad person. I have social issues anyway. I don’t know how to talk to people without stock phrases or crazy talk
Responses to death are often selfish aren’t they. Don’t we really mean we wish WE had more time with them? Hollow gestures of condolence may also reflect being at a loss as to how to appropriately handle finality and our own mortality. Surely we should all be enlightened enough to celebrate their lives and only mourn what they would miss out on. No? Just me?
I dunno, from personal experience having the recognition of the pain something causes, the acknowledgment, can help.
That’s a fair comment, Dave. I’m wondering though,and please don’t answer if this is too personal, but why would the acknowledgement of strangers help? Friends and family, I understand, but people you don’t know?
You watched the Notebook???????
Yes I certainly did .. a while back, but it’s on my ‘watched’ list. Surprise haha